Thesis hell

Crisis of identity

2007-05-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed, if you bother to check here anymore, that I am not playing in this particular sandbox very often. Partly, it's because I wanted to blog under my real name somewhere else. But it's also due to the fact that I am not sure what I'm doing anymore. I got the MA. I am not officially a grad student hack anymore. Now I'm doubting whether I will go on to a PhD. Do I even want to be a prof?

At this point, I'm not even sure if I want to go back to my home town. All I know is that a) the only job I see myself doing (and feel happy about pursuing) is features writing, which is a tough freaking row to hoe as a freelancer and b) EC is treating me well.

To sum up: I'm in a total state of gah! Can't promise that I'll write any more here (but hey, who knows), but feel free to drop me a line:

gradstudenthack(at)gmail(dot)com

I'll send you a link to my new blog, as long as you promise to keep the connection between the two on the QT.

Big kisses,

GSH

a postscript for all you little rotters who continue to stumble onto this blog by googling "free essays" (and who, at this point, pretty much account for all my traffic, lol): I hope you enjoy the letter "F", because you're going to be getting well acquainted with each other this term.

2007-02-05T07:15:00.000-08:00

Aw, man...long time no update. I guess I was pouting a little that no one responded in the comments when I said I had a new "secret" blog under my real name. Yes, it's irrational to pout since I did get requests for the URL in person and by email. But that's how I roll.

So, hmm, news. I'm now in Eastern European Capital, have a nice place very close to the old town, school starts monday, food/wine/life is all great here. It's so much more affordable than my former city, I'm not actually sure I want to go back home.

More soon,

GSH

I'm. in. London.

2007-01-13T00:34:00.000-08:00

I strained my wrists a little while hauling my baggage from Heathrow to my friend's flat, so I'll have to keep this relatively short. So far I've been to Greenwich, the British Museum, Chinatown and Covent Garden. Last night involved wickedly good Malaysian food followed by a packed pub called the Wh1te Hare, and a sprint for the last tube home. Today: walking around the palace, Hyde park and then off to a football match. I'm a little nervous about sitting in a spot surrounded by 20,000 lads, but looking forward to it nonetheless. Saw my first hooligan last night, but it was mostly just a dude with too much alcohol in his system wanting to have a bit of a shout in the tube.

2007-01-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

Officially, it is done. I received my damage deposit in the mail from my landlord (less $61 for "cleaning", which I'm pretty sure is bogus, but I need to just let it go for the sake of my sanity). I have moved. I no longer live in a dilapidated heritage house infested with cannibal zombie squirrels, and I can already feel the difference in my health. Despite my love for the neighbourhood and my fondness for my unique and historic home, under the surface it was a very sick building and made my asthma and general state of health immeasurably worse.

I never want to move, ever again. The last days of 2006 were all about delerium, getting 5 hours sleep within the span of 50 hours of packing, eating junk food and cleaning. It was bad, and painful. On the upside, I got rid of two car loads of old clothes, shoes and tchotkes (to the thrift store), and gave away a writing table, a chair, a bed and a dresser. Craigslist's "free" section rocks my world, hardcore. You put up an ad, you get a bunch of emails, you put the stuff outside and someone else takes it away. Everything I advertised was gone within a day. The dresser and bed were both somewhat damaged (repairable), but I mentioned that in the ad, and they were taken away just as quickly as the mint stuff.

And now, it's final days until I leave for Eastern European Capital city (EEC). Wednesday I take off for four days in the UK, and then on to my new home city. I've got a meeting set up with the housing coordinator, a fabulous hostel booked and some contacts who will show me around and put me up (after a few nights of hostelling) in return for some crunchy peanut butter smuggled from home. I am excited and somewhat worried that I am forgetting something important.

Apparently my visa documents are on their way as we speak, and will be sent on to meet me in a neighbouring European country once I arrive in EEC. I will enter as a tourist, leave the country for the afternoon, pick up my documents and return as a temporary resident. I freaking love the fact that I can travel in any directions for less than 6 hours and arrive in a new country. I hope to do a lot of travelling.

I will be updating, posting photos and checking comments here while I'm away, and I've got a seperate blog under my real name that I'll be working on. I decided to have a non-anonymous blog so that I can post details about my travels. If you'd like to read the other one, leave me a note in the comments and I'll send you the url (point me towards your email address if you don't think I have it already). I'm happy to give out the other url to people I don't know IRL, but no anonymous requests please.

2006-12-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

Why is the phone company so slow to connect service and so fast to disconnect it? Historical Me thought, in her pre-xmas daze, that it'd be a good idea to transfer our phone line as of the 27th. Present Me is angry, because now I have no phone service except for my expensive cell phone. D'oh.

If you are trying to reach me, call the cell. I may not pick up right away if I don't recognize the number, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. If it's urgent, call back once or twice. Hopefully the voicemail at the old (home) number will be re-connected soon, and you'll be able to leave messages there.

2006-12-25T00:47:00.000-08:00

The tree is up (as of 5:00 this afternoon), the nog has been drunk while listening to The Shepherd and the tourtiere consumed. The wee beasty is cozy on his special pillow, the presents are wrapped and under the tree and everyone has just gone to bed. Merry Christmas to you all.

Liberation from stuff

2006-12-22T15:35:00.000-08:00

I am moving. My stuff is going into storage, and then I go to the airport and don't come back for 6-7 months. So, like an airplane, I'm actively jettisoning stuff (okay, not 70 tonnes of fuel over Frankfurt, but it feels as weighty a project)*.

Today, someone came to my house to pick up my old, serviceable yet ugly (in that "perfectly fine, just not my style" kinda way) dresser. I popped an ad on craigslist, and another on freecycle, got a ton of emails, put the sucker on the porch and voila, one item less to pack away! I feel 50 pounds lighter. Now I'm looking around for other stuff I can advertise. Free classifieds are awesome. Getting rid of stuff without having to do anything is, uh, awesomer. I particularly like not having to struggle to get a large item into a small car, or having to find bungee cords to strap the sucker to the roof.

Am I finished xmas shopping or am I kidding myself? Two and a half days until the big reveal.

*Yes, it's an inside joke related to massive delays in holiday travel schedules. Welcome back from K-town, Ms. J!

Sentenced to death in Libya

2006-12-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

If you don't know about the case of the Palestinian and Bulgarian medical workers who are currently being held in Libya, take a look at these links. The new sentence came down today: the doctor and nurses will be facing a firing squad unless world pressure is put on Libya to back down. The medics have been sentenced for allegedly infecting children with HIV. As Nature Magazine's excellent coverage shows, the trial has completely ignored scientific evidence and has gone ahead on the basis of torture-extracted confessions and political maneuvering in order to obfuscate the sanitary conditions of the hospital from which the infections originate.

2006-12-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

I am going to do just that, now that I have a plan. In the cold light of day, post-caffeine intake, I have developed a cunning plan. A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel. Obviously part one of the plan is making geeky references.

Moving into part two: If on departure day, I do not hold a student visa to Eastern European Country in my hand, I will leave anyway. I am flying through London, so I will busy myself with enjoying a city that I have never been to. If there looks to be further delays in getting the documents, I will cancel my flight to Eastern European Capital and will hope that my cancellation insurance will cover it. I will then consider my situation as an opportunity to spend a bit more time in the UK, and I will travel around to less expensive towns in England, Wales and maybe even Scotland. I will have a team at home ready to pounce on the mail carrier every day, and the instant my documents arrive, I will have them express posted to London, where I will pick them up, jump on a plane and arrive triumphant. If I can't afford a plane fare to my new city, I will chose one of the many nearby countries and fly in through there. Yes, it will likely cost me some extra $$, but perhaps insurance will take care of it. If not, well, live and learn.

2006-12-18T00:48:00.000-08:00

Somebody please tell me it's going to be alright. I have airplane tickets booked, but haven't got my visa yet. I wrote to my bud at the embassy, and he said he'd let me know when he heard from his admin unit in Eastern European Capital. Then he wished me a merry christmas and a happy new year, 2008. I find it very, very ominous that I am being wished a happy new year, as it seems to say "nothing will happen until well into January about your visa". The 2008 bit just gives me hives, though I'm sure it's a typo. Right? Right?

What does one do if one's visa doesn't come through before one's departure date? I am freaking out, just a little bit. I am a contingency plan type...I have to come up with a valid alternate plan in order to not go mental with worry. I just cannot come up with a good plan yet, since non-refundable tickets are involved.

Some xmas ideas

2006-12-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

In trying to come to terms with the fact that the big day is in a week, I've finally made a gift list. Due to our impending move out of the country, I'm happy to receive little in the way of actual material goods, but there are a few little things we need. If you are looking for an idea for me, here are some suggestions:

Lonely Planet Western Europe guide
LP Eastern Europe guide
(we already have one for the specific country we are going to, and we have a general eastern european phrasebook too)
one pair of warm socks
merino long underwear top in black
new Ian Rankin novel, The Naming of the Dead
money towards travel and a camera
money towards winter boots (possibly) and maybe luggage

Nothing heavy or cluttery if possible, cuz I have nowhere to put it. The clothes that I'm packing are pretty specific, so ideally I'd rather not get clothes as presents either. I hope my list doesn't seem too demanding. I don't need much, and I really appreciate the thought that goes into gift giving. Feel free to get me nothing, or only a card (ideally of the hand-made or recycled variety).

And if you haven't sent me a gift list yet, send it on asap.

This just in, kiss the ring edition

2006-12-15T01:50:00.000-08:00

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?

Made Bishop of Agagni by Pope Formosus, you became Pope yourself in 896 by putting your immediate predecessor, Boniface VI, to death. Your reign lasted all of fourteen months. However, you firmly assured your place in history by putting the rotting corpse of the aforementioned Formosus on trial in the splendidly named Synod Horrenda. Naturally, Formosus was clad in full papal vestments. Having dug up the stinking remains once already, you proceeded to have them found guilty, reburied, re-exhumed, relieved of the three fingers of the right hand used in consecrations and finally thrown into the Tiber. All ordinations performed by the luckless Formosus were annulled. After this delightful display of gratitude, you were promptly strangled, paving the way for an increasingly short-lived series of successors and the reinstatement, dereinstatement and rereinstatement of Formosus' Papal deeds.

Yeah, I'd go there.

2006-12-15T01:21:00.000-08:00

I am back from points elsewhere, and have happily sunk into the sofa cushions. I'm not coming out, not for a good long while. There's no chance that I can make that plan stick with all I have to do this month, but for tonight, that's how we're playing it. I'd like the ask the cosmos not to send anything more in the way of major life events my way, please, just for a little while.

Finally, the Beast has crashed next to me and is snoozing peaceably. He's spent the last 5 hours puking his kibble, running around in a frenzy, rearranging my pencil case and destroying my stuff. Normally he does that to get attention, but tonight he went so nuts that kicking him out of the room and shutting the door didn't even make an impression. He continued running up and down stairs (welcome to the apartment, new downstair neighbours!) and making loud crashing noises. There's enthusiasm, then there's taking it too far. Someone's getting a trip to the vet in their stocking this year.

Tomorrow is final grades submission.

Oh my god, I'm switching into live blogging mode here: there's a drunk dude outside the window whistling in the storm. It's one thirty in the morning, and for some reason the whistling combined with the wind is totally creeping me out. Why is a whistled tune so menacing? For defensive countermeasures, I'm going to pull my feet up onto the couch so that nothing can grab at them from beneath me. If the phone rings, I'm sooooo not answering. I'm pretty sure I know where the call will be coming from, and I'd rather live in blissful ignorance. There are occasionally times that I'm glad that my criminally negligent landlord put metal grated doors on our house. Apparently The Whistler in the Dark is one such occasion.

Now that most of the hair on the back of my neck is off sentry duty, where was I? Oh yes, it's the final step towards the end of term. The zeros have been doled out, the attendance marks counted and The Hardworking rewarded.

I am going to make myself a strong hot chocolate with Triple Sec and watch Buffy til I pass out with the cat.

2006-12-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Out of town for a few more days, mostly lacking internet connection until then, no new posts until Friday.

2006-12-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

Some of the science behind Russian spy Litvinenko's poisoning. I find this story and all its bizarre twists so fascinating.

2006-12-04T11:21:00.000-08:00

A full day of grading papers ahead. So far, the first paper was plagiarized from letters to the editor at the NYTimes and Jesus-Saves websites. Sweet.

RIP Burt

2006-12-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

The Wildlife Rescue centre called this evening to let me know that the bird I brought in, Burt (a Rock Pigeon*), had been put down. Despite being in good spirits and not having a concussion, the fracture was in a bad spot in his thigh and the pain was too much for him. Fixing the leg wasn't an option, because of where the break was located.

I found Burt on Friday at 5:30, on my way home from the library. I watched him walk determinedly into a lane of traffic, but turned away when a car sped towards him. I didn't see him get hit, but I did see feathers and saw him waddle painfully into a snowbank in the gutter. He tried to make himself really small, but he was in the gutter of one of the busiest intersections in the city. I scooped him up and felt his little heart beating fast, but he didn't struggle or flap his wings. I put him into my cloth bag and carried him home.

I've dealt with injured birds before, so I knew what to do when I got him home:

*Put the bird in a cardboard box with a lid and breathing holes (I covered the bottom of the box with a roll's worth of wadded up toilet paper for a soft, nest-like feel).
*Keep the bird in a warm, dark and quiet room.
*Don't handle the bird or feed it, just let it relax in its box.
*Get it to wildlife rescue as soon as possible for care (or a humane passing).

It's really amazing how much a bird will calm down once its in a covered box. I had to turn the light on briefly and Burt started flapping his wings almost immediately. I turned the lights off and he calmed down again.

To my surprise, Burt lived through the night (they often die of shock or internal injuries), even though there was a little streak of blood in the bottom of the box. He obviously had a terribly broken leg, but he was in good spirits and quite calm. I drove him to Wildlife Rescue as soon as I could, and they took him right in for assessment and treatment. The admitting vet was pretty cute, so that didn't hurt either. He said it might be necessary to put Burt down, but at the very least it would be quick and painless if so. Much better than waiting to die in a snowbank on a busy street, at the mercy of vehicles or sadistic humans.

The WRA is one of my absolute favourite (animal) charities. Their facilities, right in the middle of a beautiful regional park, are excellent and the work they do is awesome. They deal with oil spill birds and all kinds of wildlife emergencies. They even took care of an injured wolverine that wandered into a suburb. This was such a rare opportunity (wolverine are almost never seen, never mind handled) that vets and scientists came from all over to study the creature and its rehabilitation.

*I hesitate to say that Burt was a pigeon, because the reactions I get when I say "pigeon" are often negative. "But they're diseased rats-with-wings!" you might be thinking to yourself. Well, this bird didn't appear diseased (just injured), and I wore gloves and kept him segregated in the entryway of the house. Humans and companion animals like cats and dogs can transmit scary diseases and parasites too, but I don't generally recoil in horror at the thought of helping one of them. And for the record, had Burt been a human, I would have stopped to help him too. No creature deserves to suffer.

Link: What to do if you find injured birds or other wildlife.

The Cheat, Part II

2006-12-03T13:48:00.000-08:00

I've set up a meeting with my plagiarist, who, it turns out, is already on probation. If the university accepts the case against him, he will likely no longer be in school next year. I'm feeling quite conflicted about this. On one hand, he's pretty shameless about cheating (tests, homework, essays, everything) and I definitely feel that this cannot be allowed to go on.

Another prof I know just lets students hand in a new essay to replace the plagiarized paper. That seems to go beyond lenient into the unethical and lazy. She's close to retirement and just doesn't want the hassle anymore. Maybe I'm young and naive, but to me, it seems that if you aren't willing to deal with big issues like academic dishonesty, maybe you should stop altogether. You really aren't doing anyone a favor if you pass the buck, especially the student.

In any case, I'm pressing on with this even though it's tying my stomach in knots. I don't really want to be the reason that this guy has to leave, but then again, it's not my series of choices that has gotten us to this point. I just need to chant "accountability, accountability" a few more times and I'll be okay.

Dealing with a serial cheater

2006-12-01T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm disappointed to find that a student for whom I developed some sympathy early on has a history of cheating in my course. I've reviewed his PhD level final assignment (after receiving an email less than 12 hours before the deadline asking what to write about). As I mentioned in the comments section of someone else's blog, I particularly like the branch of German theoretical critique that the student has adopted. It's amazingly in synch with a German social scientist whose work can be found online. So in synch that the student uses 98% of the same words in his assignment.

As a new prof, I'm learning the ins and outs of my school's policy on academic dishonesty. I'm documenting away, meeting with the student and the dean and backing everything up. I've been warned by other profs that my university is very pro-student, and will often find in their favour. I hope, as there is evidence of months worth of dishonesty, that this will not be the case. To have the uni find against me in my first case of plagiarism would likely put a sour spin on what has been a great teaching experience so far.

UK travel

2006-12-01T12:57:00.000-08:00

I almost titled this London Calling, but a decade of bad travel writing and lame headlines stayed my hand. In 41 days, I will be flying to the UK for four nights in London, before boarding a small plane headed for my new Central European home. So, I'm soliciting ideas of things to do while there. Accomodations are sorted, and I already know that I will be taking in a Chelsea match on the Saturday (I'll be in town Thursday until Monday morning), walking over that pedestrian bridge and having tea and scones in the crypt of some church (right, Jess?). I will do some of the "must see" tourist things, but I like off the wall and bizarre things too.

Any suggestions?

That's Professor Hardass to you

2006-12-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

Today marks the last day of my first term as a full-on instructor. Overall, it's been fabulous. The students, for the most part, have been incredibly engaged and interesting. Class discussions have been lively and have yielded new insights in the subject matter we've been covering.

I thought my first teaching carnival post would be about conquering stage fright. For the three months up to my first class, I felt queasy at the thought of standing in front of a class again. I surfed the net obsessively looking for yoga stretches, breathing exercises, visualization, anything that might help me not completely freak out on the big day. I showed up an hour early and tried out my laptop on the university's projection system. That advice about always checking your technology before your class or presentation? Spot on. Nothing happened. It took a full hour with the tech guys to figure out the problem. On the upside, the tech department now loves me. The other benefit of having an hour long freak-out over my technology is that my nerves melted away and never came back. I thought I would stammer or blush, but I haven't had a problem with standing there in the spotlight for 3 hours in a row. When I spoke at my grandmother's funeral last week, my uncle came up to tell me that it shows which profession I'm in.

The one thing I hadn't really thought about is that I am now the point where the buck stops. As a TA (working for a supremely incompetent new prof), I pretty much ran the show. I lectured, marked everything, organized discussions and dealt with the frontline of unhappy and confused students. But I always had the recourse of saying "well, Prof X's policy is such and such". At the end of the day, I wasn't the bad guy. For the first time, I am the one doling out the zeros to plagiarists and saying no to ridiculous requests for midterm re-writes. It feels weird to be the hard-ass. I guess I'm still kinda amazed that I am actually teaching my own class, that I'm the prof.

technorati tag: teaching-carnival

2006-11-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

We were supposed to get another 35cm, but the snow turned to pelting freezing rain and today the temperature was above zero. It might be the stress of the upcoming move to another country and all the work that comes with finishing the term, but the melting snow is making me feel sad. I really do miss the cold weather that I grew up with, and the prospect of going back to weeks on end without seeing the sun is unappealing. Happily, the whole household took a break last night, bundled up and spent an hour or so pelting each other with snowballs. Everything looks so clean and festive under a layer of snow.

I am getting things done

2006-11-28T13:07:00.000-08:00

√ Student visas collated
√ Tax forms collated
√ Visa forms and enclosures sent to the capital
√ Send mail to the Tax Man
√ Landlord called
√ End of tenancy notice drafted
Grading done

I thought I had won a major victory with the landlord. He agreed to immediate repairs, apologized and agreed to a rebate on rent. I asked for a small amount to cover the time between Sept to December, and he agreed. He showed up an hour later, with a cheque for a quarter of what I asked for. I am so sick of dealing with this thing.

ETA: I just checked the ad for our flat. As predicted, he's asking for almost $200 more per month than we are paying. Secret message to slumlord: you have one more chance to make this right, then we'll be seeing you at arbitration.

2006-11-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

I made it back in one piece, with lovely views coming in to the city through snowclouds to the stormy seas below. The satellite tv on board was rubbish practically the whole flight, but I kept watching and have thus transported 40 student papers across the continent, twice, without even looking at them. Luckily there are snow closures right now, or I'd be in trouble.

One room of the house is toasty warm, the others are just marginally warmer than outside. It's -8 right now, and there are icicles on the inside of the windows. Fun, eh?

Today will be marking, final submission of all visa documents to the embassy, hot chocolate and walks outside. It's icy as hell, but I got my embarassing fall-in-public moment out of the way last night when my suitcases managed to negate my balance on an ice patch, so hopefully today will be spent with a little dignity. I'm kidding myself on this point, but it's nice to start the day with a little hopefulness.

2006-11-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

Coming home soon. Will be arriving mid afternoon, grading the whole flight, most likely. Save me some snow out there, I'm already tired of warm weather and sunshine.

GSH

How to ruin your career

2006-11-21T06:44:00.000-08:00

In six easy steps:

1. Do stand-up even though you have little stand-up experience
2. Have a major chip on your shoulder about your lack of current success
3. Meltdown onstage when you get heckled
4. Get offensive. Then get really offensive. Then get unforgivably offensive. Aaaaand repeat.
5. Wave goodbye to your audience, your dignity and the last shreds of your career.
6. Make friends with Mel Gibson, god knows you'll need him in the lonely days ahead.

2006-11-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

I'm working on my student's assignment for this week's class. Let's just say that I'm less than inspired. In a few days, I walk across the stage to get my degree, run to class, teach and then jump on a plane the next morning.

2006-11-20T13:13:00.000-08:00

My mom called just now. My granny died a few minutes ago in hospital.

2006-11-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

Mmmm, homemade soy latte made with boiled water from the forest floors of the North Shore. A true woodland treat. Day 4 of the boil water advisory started with sun, but has moved on to threatening clouds. And more cloudy, turbid water. The water from the tap is just a shade lighter than the colour of the water that leaks into my hallway from our rotten roof. Yes, the letter to the landlord has been drafted and will be sent out after it is ratified. In it I ask for a refund on the rent increase that he started charging in the summer. How many want to place bets that he's going to ignore it completely since it asks for actual money back?

I think, despite the inconvenience, that there are some positive aspects to the boil water advisory. If nothing else, it should make people start realizing how much we take clean water for granted and how easily our supply can be imperiled. Unclean water is a reality for most of the people in the world, when it is available at all. Even in Canada, where a large percentage of the world's clean water rests, 76 First Nation reserves have been under long standing boil water advisories. Some communities are facing the issue of relocation due to unclean water. And here in the city, we waste it just cuz we can. We use pure tap water to clean our cars, hose down the sidewalk, flush our toilets and water our ugly lawns.

The negative impacts are felt most by the poorest populations in the city. Access to good water is already an issue, and now people are going for days without drinking, because it's not safe. This is a public health issue in more ways than one: if you are street involved, or living in an SRO, there is a likehood that you may be dealing with health issues as well. There is an HIV/HepC co-infection epidemic in this city, and the most vulnerable to water-borne illnesses are those with weakened immune systems. The elderly, who make up a large segment of the low income population are also at risk. CBC, at least, has been addressing the issue. The other news outlets have been focusing on how hard it is to get a cup of coffee in the city's coffee shops. Priorities anyone?

I'll just keep boiling away here and hoping that the rainwater doesn't bring the roof crashing down.

Part II, states of literary satisfaction

2006-11-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

So, we made it in time, found the venue and saw David Sedaris read some new stories. Got a preview of his upcoming (perhaps now published) New Yorker piece. He's a very entertaining and comfortable speaker, but some people left after his first long piece, all offended and huffy. Who did they think they were coming to see?

Meeting Sedaris was quite fun, since he makes an effort to chat with everyone in the line. He later told the crowd that he livens his signings up by asking questions of every person he signs for. For example: "when was the last time you touched a monkey?". The inscription in my friend's book read "I'm so glad you're alive".

After American-sized portions of burgers and fries (just say no to "jo-jo's") the drive back over the 49th went by fast and painlessly.

2006-11-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

Obviously, November is not going to be the month that I write a novel. Between teaching, marking, invigilating and moving out of the house I've been in for two years, there just isn't the time. So I'm going to use my little counter on the right to encourage blogging instead. I have a few issues, pedagogical and otherwise, to discuss and update. I'm going to use my widget for something damnit.

2006-11-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

As you may have guessed, my stack of undergrad essays teetered menacingly, then fell over, burying me in an avalanche of plagiarized papers and bad grammar. I lay under the pile for days. I managed, heroically, to mark my way out after many days and thoughts of gnawing my own arm off. 80 papers down, another 96 to go at the end of the month. Please. send. help.

Crossing borders for literature

2006-11-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

Part I

Last night a packed Corolla headed South towards Bellingham, occupants hoping to avoid a search at the border because our pre-trip fuel up at the coffee shop had made our departure a bit later than planned. The American guard knew David Sedaris and waved us through, after the cute little explosives & drugs-sniffing black Lab pranced around our car boot. Canada Customs, it should be noted, does not seem to put enough effort into acquiring cute little drug dogs. Returning to our country, through the construction site that welcomes all visitors to our side of the 49th, a border guard barely deigned to interrupt her conversation to ask us if we'd bought anything. She totally didn't believe us (heck, I didn't believe us) and yet was too bored and laissez-faire to bother searching us. No Black Lab love for the trunk, sigh.

We drove around in the dark, contemplated our collective lack of American coins for parking meters and made it in time for the pre-talk signing. Sedaris is an entertaining book signer, making lots of small talk and drawing funny things in our books. He likes to ask oddball questions, and told us anecdotes about taking a $40 cab ride to Richmond's "2 dollar" store. He decided to just take the bus back. Can you imagine bumping into David Sedaris on the 98Bline express bus? I don't think I'd even notice, come to think of it, but it does make one wish for a temporal fold to make it a possibility.

Part II to come after more marking.

2006-11-05T14:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, 83 words. I'm on my way!

2006-11-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

It might seem laughable. I barely update here, and I have almost no time this month that isn't slotted for something else, but I thought I'd sign up and see if having a widget would motivate me to do something of a written nature. I've got no idea how to write a novel, and I may end up just writing some short story scraps or some articles or something, but it'll be nice to feel external pressure to write.

I have lots going on, and lots to tell about travels, teaching and seeing a major rockstar academic in the flesh. But I'm also kinda burnt out. I haven't been sleeping well for weeks, something about never adjusting to the time change. I'm hoping to catch up on lost sleep tonight, look to tomorrow for an update.

Taking wireless for granted

2006-10-31T12:58:00.000-08:00

Spending time in the western part of the island of Montreal (unwired) taught me how dependent I am on my wireless connection. And how edgy I get when I can't connect. Everything felt slow and difficult. I had to book train tickets over the phone. Hence, no updates. Lots to say, and I've got nice pictures, but I have to get to the library to finalize my readings for my class, get my pants hemmed and find some suitable tops. And mark a further 60 undergrad papers. And meet with Crown Counsel about a case I'm a witness for. Sweet.

This is the sound of my anxiety

2006-10-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

The airplane takes off in 18 hours. Until then, I will be grading, handing marked exams off, fielding student enquiries, packing, filling out more immigration paperwork, cleaning, returning library books, finding 10 minutes to sleep, picking up passport photos and a student card, getting a haircut, and booking travel for January (it looks like January 10th may be the day of departure to points East).

Amidst my crazy day of errand running and marking, I took an hour off to trek to school to meet a student at 3:00. I figured I could mark papers on the bus, meet the student and mark on the way home. I was not happy to see that I not only forgot my red pen, but didn't, uncharacteristically, have any writing implements whatsoever on my person. No stationary stores en route to school, and the bookstore on campus was closed for some odd reason. It doesn't take an empath to see what happened next. No show. No, bloody, show. Despite having confirmed the meeting a mere 2 hours previously, the student who practically begged to meet me to discuss the exam, didn't bother to show up. I waited 20 minutes, then said fuck it. Of course, the type of student to blow off a meeting they requested is also the type of student to not even bother to write a note to say "oops, couldn't find your office" or other such lame excuse. Just nada. Good strategy for dealing with person responsible for your grade. My bus transfer was no longer valid when I got on the bus, but I was just not in the mood to pay one red cent more to get home. I think the driver got the message, as stormclouds starting forming on my face, and let me on for free. That's right pal, 5 minutes grace for the angry professor.

On the upside, I stopped at the local used bookstore and scored two new Ian Rankin novels for the flight: Black & Blue and the first Rebus book ever written, Knots & Crosses. I've been looking forward to Knots since I heard Rankin talk about it at Writer's Fest. As a young writer, he decided to research his first crime novel by calling up the police and asking questions of some of their CID officers. He outlined his story idea, about a serial killer at work in Edinburgh whose modus operandi was to leave a specific type of knotted cord on his victims. "Oh yeah", said the detectives, "come on down to the station and we'll show you the ropes". He went down to meet them, and they had him go to the interrogation room "just to get a real feel for the process". Then they asked him lots of questions about the particulars of his novel. "You daft bugger", said Rankin's dad, when he was told of how the young writer had spent his day, "they had you in the frame for a murder". Sure enough, some unsolved murders with a similar style of knotted cross had occured in Scotland, and the cops hadn't released the information to the public yet. They had been checking to see if Rankin might be their man.

Talk to you again when I'm here (pictures courtesy of Aarchiba):

Love,
GSH

2006-10-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Why doesn't DFAIT/MAECI have a phone queu? Everyone in Canada is calling the same number, getting two menus (one of which is 9 items long), and the blasted busy message says to hang up and try again. But only after saying "You have reached the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade enquiry service, Bienvenu au Ministère des Affaires Étrangères et Commerce International". And every time, I listen to that bloody message, hoping that I'll stumble into a queu. But no, there is no such thing. *phone rage*

Eastern European lawyers, grading and friends who don't take a hint

2006-10-12T17:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone know an (unspecified Eastern European language, or UEEL for short)-speaking lawyer or notary living in Canada? I need some translated documents certified, and I'm coming up blank here. It's so awesome having to get my criminal records check authorized by the Department of Foreign Affairs. Thanks for not speaking UEEL, DFAIT. What are my tax dollars paying for anyways?

I'm in the middle of a marking blitz (only 116 papers to go) and am trying to power through all the paperwork involved with the prospect of moving to another country. At this point, even my paperwork has paperwork. Everything is actually going pretty smoothly, and I'm getting things done. I am, however, having trouble juggling social obligations with people who don't get that I've only got so much time in my day. I'm trying not to get annoyed at a particular school friend who is currently unemployed, and for some reason thinks my days are as empty as his. I hate to constantly put people off, telling them we can maybe get together next week, and never actually meeting up, so I start to feel guilty and agree to coffee, even when it's clearly not going to work for me. I do quite like this person, but he's at a crossroads in his life and has appointed me Official Life Coach. This means that even if I don't see him, I get calls every few days and when I do pick up, they end up being hour long affairs. Grrr.

Keeping me sane: BBC4, lapsang souchong with organic cream and honey, Coronation Street, Ian Rankin novels. You know, the uzh.

Another Russian journalist silenced

2006-10-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

Anna Politkovskaya, hostage negotiator and indefatigable journalist whose work spotlighted the horrors of the Chechen conflict, has been assassinated. She had survived many previous attempts on her life, including a poisoning while enroute to negotiate the Beslan hostage crisis, but was murdered by a hitman on October 7th in Moscow. The date of her assassination coincides with Putin's birthday. Politkovskaya's reporting from the midst of Russia's internal war is one of the reasons we know anything at all about the situation in Chechnya and the massacres that are routinely carried out there.

Jasmina Tesanovic has a short piece on Politkovskaya on boingboing. More on Politkovskaya's work at wikipedia, and on Novaya Gazeta's site.

2006-10-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm getting a lot done, must be the sunny weather. I've got my trip to Québec arranged, passport application done, scholarship and bursaries locked down. Paper work is sorted, dishes are sparkling, stacks of paper for recycling are recycled. Caught up with Chelsea scores (draw with Aston Villa, thus currently tied for #1 position with Man Utd, home of Cristiano Ronaldo, my much maligned long distance boyfriend), caught up with long lost friends, got books back to the library. Paid the rent. Caught the Beast as he made a mad dash out the door towards the wheels of a speeding oncoming car (adrenaline junkie, that creature). Brilliant.

2006-10-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to birch about students so early in the term, but I'm getting annoyed at the emails I get from some of them about their term assignments. They send me vague proposals and ask for help, I respond with some detailed advice on where to go next and ask them to get back to me with their revised plans, and....nothing. No thank you email, no follow up, no ammended assignment plan. Which leaves me wondering if they understood what I was saying to them and if they did, why they didn't follow up as asked. I know, I know. Established professors reading this are now snickering into their handkerchiefs.

Secret message to miss redhead: not a word of this comment, the blog or any other course related matter to our common acquaintances. I know you know, and I know you wouldn't, I just had to say it for disclaimer's sake, like.

2006-09-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

I know no one reading this cares, at all, but the final score was Levski 0, Chelsea 2.

2006-09-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

To the person who found my blog by googling "How do I avoid doing my thesis" I say: Quit grad school, poppet.

Off to the passport office to stand in line for an hour. It seems criminal on a beautiful day like today. Maybe they could hook up a loudspeaker so that everyone could sit outside with their numbers. How is it that government offices the world over all have the same sunless drab look to them? The passport office has floor to ceiling windows and still it's like entering a mint green, soul crushing cavern.

Bulgaria on my mind

2006-09-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, Levski Sofia will be playing Chelsea. Looks like I'll be able to listen live via BBC5. I just found out that in preparation for accession to the EU (January 2007), Romania has removed its visa requirements for Canadian visitors. Which means I'll be able to visit Romania and Bulgaria as I've always wanted with little diplomatic hassle. One possible spring break trip that is forming in my mind is Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey and Moldova. I'm so excited to get to Eastern European Capital! And if you happened to call this weekend on a cell phone from Khartoum, no, we won't be leaving before the 21st of December. Most likely a few days into January, so don't fret Julia!

2006-09-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm really uncomfortable and would like to move, but the cat is lying on my back and I hesitate to move him from his perch. He's comfortable, and since cuddling is always on his schedule, I have to take what I can get. Ever heard that joke "Dogs have masters, cats have support staff"?

So far, I've gotten at least a half hour of writing done, made some breakfast, gotten two housemates out the door with lunches and umbrellas and listened to The Current. None of the reports were stellar, with the Madrid "models are too skinny" piece coming in at the most boring. I'd have hoped for a piece on the situation in Hungary, or the upcoming trouble in Moldova and Georgia (Transnistria, South Ossetia and Abkhazia are all conducting or planning referendums on annexation, which are being sponsored by Moscow political and business interests). Nobody seems to be watching Russia very closely, and Putin, the original KGB hardman, knows it.

Back to work, then on to a bit of cleaning and off to a discussion of Buffy and theology.

2006-09-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

So you might think, when you happen across talk of bestiality and shit early in the morning, that the source might be the internet in all its disgusting breadth of possible topics. Nope, it's the (now ex) Chairman of the CBC bringing these edifying topics to the national conversation. Please Mr. Fournier, I just had breakfast!

*I shudder to think about what kind of traffic this post might generate. Behave people!

The state of today, in bullet form

2006-09-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Reading:

*Fleshmarket Close by Ian Rankin (again)
*Coraline by Neil Gaiman
*Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby
*Teaching textbooks and the teaching carnival

Writing (or procrastinating on):

*upcoming lectures
*a rather unsuccessful short story
*a series of magazine queries that are moving slowly from thought to action

Thinking:

*"I need more money to get things accomplished this year"
*"The house needs a new roof, do I take the landlord to arbitration, even though I'm planning on moving out soon? Or do I let the guy be a total slumlord and pay through the nose for him to do so in hopes that he won't give me a horrible renter's reference when I try to find my next place?"
*How can I clean the bedroom and my desk without actually having to do anything?"
*Do small dogs really need sweaters?"

Watching:

*Prime Suspect I, the best of them all I think. It's dark and British and brilliant. Helen Mirren's DCI Tennyson is, in my opinion, her best role. She walks into a murder inquiry, midstream, after the death of the bent cop who used to run the show, and fights against the male hostility and outright sabotage of her new "team". The interplay between her naked ambition, her tough-as-nails demeanor, her personal feelings about the case, her home life, and her battle to win over the bunch of lads who've closed ranks against her is fascinating to watch. Despite some rather grim moments, Prime Suspect is also quite masterful in the way it's shot. The cinematography is beautiful.

*Angel Season 2

Current plan:

*Get out of my blasted pyjamas and leave the house for the first time since Saturday night. I am finally over my bout with the flu and a cold, so there's no excuse for not enjoying the bit of sun that is peeking out of the rainclouds right now.

2006-09-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am always fascinated to read about peoples daily habits. I always enjoy hearing how artists and writers map out their days to make the best use of their time. As someone who rarely stumbles onto blogger these days, and finds it quite difficult to write anything of note when I do, I just have to marvel at the likes of Michael Bérubé who not only writes regularly, but in full, eloquent detail. The man is a prof, book author, commentator, essayist, father and yet he somehow finds the time to write huge, entertaining blog posts. I'm dying to know how he breaks his day down and how many hours of sleep he gets in a night.

A good start to the UEFA championship

2006-09-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

Victory over W. Bremen, 2-0. Cards for Lampard, Terry, Drogba and Cole, and some paranoid grumblings from Mourinho. Onwards to meet Barca.

Who you rooting for?

2006-09-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, I woke up to the radio and couldn't understand what the announcer was saying. She was crying. I got up, turned on the tv and spent the next few hours watching that one scene over and over. People called me and I called others. "Are you watching this?" "Yeah". "Can you believe it?". Campus wasn't as busy as it would have been normally, and we spent much of the afternoon at the cafe, talking. My classes went on as normal, and my friends and I met up for a meal at the end of the day. Our favourite place, a Lebanese restaurant on Broadway, was dark when we got there. A sign in the window simply said "closed, due to tragedy".

Last night, I watched the scenes again on tv. The CBC aired two excellent documentaries: "The Secret History of 9/11" and "Toxic Legacy". If I had money, I'd buy air time to play these two pieces over and over on every tv network in America. The first shows the complete and utter failure of every level of government in dealing with the threat of hijacked planes being used as weapons. On the day itself, every single communication system and protocol was either ignored, screwed up or non-functional. The complete breakdown of emergency systems could have served as a tragic, but important, lesson in dealing with disaster. The people of the Southern United States have paid with their lives for how little the government learned the lessons of 9/11 and how the bureaucracy of the States is unprepared to help its own citizens in case of large-scale emergency. And how little it cares.

The second documentary had me choking back sadness and fury at the thought of the ongoing human and environmental cost of 9/11. At least 15,000 of the people that GWB called "America's heroes", the first responders and rescue workers who tried desperately to find survivors in the wreckage of the two towers, are too ill from the toxic dust to work, even five years later. Many have died, slowly choking. Fire fighters, big tough guys accustomed to hauling 100 pounds of gear up 20 stories, gasp for breath as they walk to the doctor's office. Cleaners who were sent in to deal with the dust in apartment and office buildings, equipped only with paper masks, gulp 18 different kinds of pills and use nebulizers to stay alive. Manhattan residents who moved back to their apartments after the EPA stated uncategorically that the air was safe to breathe cope with diminished lung capacity and the possibility of cancer. Conspiracy theorists, wake up! The cover-up isn't in how the attacks were pulled off or who set the events into motion, but in how the EPA and the rest of the establishment have handled questions of air quality, clean-up and compensation (which the insurance companies and the City of New York are still fighting against, by the way) since the disaster.

Back to school

2006-09-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

I met my class this morning and they're great! There are about 50 smiling, interesting people of all different ages and backgrounds. I talked fast, as I usually do, and made them laugh a couple of times, so I'm feeling pretty good about my new teaching gig. Oh, and I looked hot, rocking a new outfit that I managed to find at the end of a marathon shopping session. There were many tears and recriminations, but I found THE outfit and it was all worth it.

I found my tiny, boiling office (picture a shoebox, then downsize) and had a laugh at the fact that I'm sharing it with three other profs. Luckily, we're all teaching on different days, so it should work for now.

I also got to observe the power of random comments, as I managed to get myself another marking contract, just by making an offhand comment to a colleague about how I would be spending my time in October.

I'm thinking a cup of Lapsang Souchong, a cuddle with the Beast and a bit of Dr. Phil's brand of Texas justice is in order. But only a very small dose, or I'll be telling people to "get real" and "name it to change it" again. Nobody wants that, least of all me. Can you tell? I'm in a good mood today.

Happy back to school everybody!

2006-09-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

Things are looking up. Soon, I meet my class for the first time. I finally found something to wear and my syllabus is ready to go. It's nice to be teaching this term. I've gone back to school every year since I was six and I think I'd miss that feeling of excitement and tinge of nervousness.

2006-08-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

I think it would be fair to say that I am in a bit of a state of upheaval at the 'mo. I'm sad and out of sorts due to some major events occuring around me. I will be back soon, though, hopefully buoyed by shopping for back-to-school supplies and the crisp taste of fall in the air.

Leaves have started falling outside my door

2006-08-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

In two weeks, I meet my first class ever for the first time. All of a sudden it's getting cool at night, and the tree out front has started dropping little orange leaves. It's almost the end of summer and I haven't had a swim or a picnic yet.

As I suspected, I didn't get the job. They wanted someone to teach both units of the course, and I could only do one because of my current teaching commitment. I suspected as much, but was a bit steamed to get a note saying "oops, sorry, we actually decided to hire your colleague a week ago, but forgot to tell you". Yeah, great, mazeltov and all, but you called me! Out of the blue! To offer a job interview! And then left me dangling like a silk worm in an oak tree for a week. I don't much mind not getting the job, the cash would have been fantastic, but prepping a whole course in two weeks and trying to juggle current commitments would probably have done me in. The major upside to all this is that the department rep now owes me. There is a power imbalance in my favour because of the communication screw up, so it augers well for discussing future job ops. I'm going to follow up and suggest a quick coffee during the term to discuss my future in the department. Cheeky, I know.

2006-08-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I did it. I excitement blogged, and it cursed my prospects of a new job. Or something like that. "I'll call you tonight or maybe tomorrow about an interview" turned into "I may be a department representative, but I've dropped off the face of the earth and it's been a week since I arrived in Off the Face of the Earth, and really my view is quite pleasant but there's the minor complication of not having a phone in my room".

So I sent an email, when I should have called, because I wanted to jump the gun, and maybe department rep would check email before checking phone messages at the office. But that strategy didn't work, and I want to call, but I hate that whole "Hi, I just emailed you and you didn't respond, so I thought I'd call, even though it's only been 12 hours since I sent the email and really, most of those hours you'd have been sleeping anyway".

Now I'm all "I didn't want the job anyway", and "this is a good opportunity to focus on my writing" (again). I'm off to the library, settling in to research magazines I'm pitching to this week. I'm getting excited about writing prospects, planning research trips, making lists. Which means I'll likely be offered the job teaching afterall, which will throw me into a neurotic state of option paralysis and fear of failure. It's all very confusing. On the upside, I just made a killer cup of tea. Fair Trade Assam, with a splash of cream and some local honey. Bliss.

Where are my good pants and my power top?

2006-08-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to keep the screaming excitement to a dull roar, but I can't sit still: the head of my discipline's department at a local college just called to see if I would be interested in filling in for him due to a medical emergency. I'd be teaching a whole course for the fall (to prepare for in three weeks, ai ya) of My Discipline 101. He's throwing together a quick hiring committee, and there are two other possible candidates. The only thing that might make someone else more attractive is that I can only teach one of the two sections, but that's because my other teaching commitment conflicts with Section 2, so it kinda looks good anyways, right? Department Representative doesn't know how come he has my CV, but he does, and would I be interested?* God, I love jobs that (potentially, don't get ahead of yourself, m'dear) fall from the sky at random.

*I applied for a marking position there, like two years ago, long before finishing my MA, and with my non-spiffied CV to boot!

2006-08-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

I'm giggly, sore in every part of my body - I'm talking sore from between my toes, to the full circumference of my hip, from behind my knees to the connector between arm and shoulder - dehydrated, beyond exhausted and antisocial, and this is Day 2 (!) of rest after Wedding Week Marathon 2006. Getting off the couch, scratch that, thinking about getting off the couch makes me nauseous.

I will be back, but for now, know that I had fun, my strapless dress didn't fall down, I made a good speech and executed some sweet tackles. If you need to reach me, I will be drinking lemonade at home.

Post thesis writing blahs

2006-07-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

It's quite natural to want to take a break from writing after doing the equivalent of many marathons in order to produce a defendable thesis. But the break has turned into an unpaid, unappreciated leave of absence and is quickly becoming a serious case of the blahs. It's not that I don't have ideas, or even in-progress projects, it's just that it's all too easy to let the inner voice say "hey, I just wrote a 110 page thesis, I need a break. Put on a DVD and get me a gin & juice while you're up". The inner voice is such a lazy arsehole, I swear.

I actually miss getting up and spending a good part of the morning writing. For awhile I had my daily target at 500 words. I would do 500 no matter what, and then power on past 1000, sometimes to around 1500, if I was really on a roll. I'd start with 300 words of free, non-stop writing on a short story, "Grozny", and then go straight into thesis work. Since I write pretty clean copy the first time round, most of what I wrote was usable if not necessarily in the order it was written. I need to get back into a routine, and get on with it already. I'm hoping to have a more solid base of freelance contacts for when I'm in Europe, and time is limited for building that up. I've also got a large list of tasks to sort through:

Set a new writing target and write everyday
Get 3 queries sent out this week
Finish the course syllabus
Pay Discovery, get accounts paid up and in order
Rent cheques to landlord
Clean up the house
Medical claims
Travel arrangements
Excel charts for work
Do up the bloody overdue-since-April 30th taxes
Get a tuition refund from school
Start returning the boatloads of library books I have, before they are all due at once in September

Saw the new Superman yesterday, despite hating Superman. And you know what? I STILL HATE SUPERMAN. But he was hot, I'll give him that. When I find a reality in which all problems can be solved by whipping them into outerspace, I'll maybe alter my opinion. But only if he stops flying around with a bunched fist, cuz he looks like a moron when he does that. A hot moron, but a moron nonetheless.

Best thing worst thing

2006-07-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

The Internet: best thing to happen to writers or worst challenge to the practice of the craft ever invented (thanks, Al Gore)? I'd really like to write out my thoughts on the subject, but I have a few more blogs to surf before I get down to work.

2006-07-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd use a picture (not me) to dive into today's topic:
Bridesmaid season has now been kicked into high gear, and I'm starting to haemorrhage money in a most alarming way. I think if you're born a girl, you should automatically be handed a little guidebook with warnings about this stuff.

Like, warning, before saying yes to bridesmaidhood, be advised that:

*The dress will be priced in euros, not dollars. It will not fit when you try it on. There will be public nudity, awkward measuring, seamstresses, tears and more money involved in fixing the problem (which happens to be that the dressmaker got all the measurements correct except the bust, meaning I could fit a few encyclopedias quite comfortably in there). Reading material for the ceremony, bonus.

*You also need shoes, bra, jewelry, a shawl, a professional hairdo, makeup and so forth. You will draw the line at paying for a mani/pedi, as you strongly believe that nobody touches your feet without paying YOU!

*You will become a part of the wedding machine. No matter your personal feelings on marriage (which amount to "whatever floats your boat, as long as I don't have to walk down no aisle"), you are now a part of a whole new realm of behaviour, protocol and ritual. You may feel weird about some of the things you are now obliged to do. You will be asked many, many times about when you will be getting married. Surprise will be expressed if you state that no, you are not actually interested in being a princess for a day.

*Strippers and limos cost a lot of bloody money. You knew that before, but this is the first time you've ever been put in charge of "giving the stripper directions to the apartment and making sure he brings his naval uniform".

*You realize that you will now be a part of a drunken hen party that will hit the clubs and howl "she's getting married tomorrow, wooooo!" at every opportunity. You've always smirked at these roving bands of tiara-wearing women, now, you are one of them. Good god.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and honoured to be a part of my dear friend's wedding. I love both groom and bride, and know that this is a wonderful event in their lives and I am so happy to share it. I even plan to have a lot of fun at all the various wedding events. It's just that none of the roles, tasks and monetary investments involved were things that ever crossed my mind, having never been a bridesmaid before. Money is very tight, now that I'm done with school and have gone into loan repayment, and it's a bit painful to spend so much money. Why can't there be some kind of "Bridesmaid Grant Program"? If KINK can get money from the federal government to do its thing, why can't I?

If you're at the wedding, I'll be the chick in the black dress at the bar (open, thank goddess), clutching a portrait of Pierre Bourdieu to my heart.

2006-07-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

Geez, mention soccer on your blog and watch the site traffic increase!

2006-07-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

The house actually shook from the impact. Then the wail went up. I looked outside but couldn't see anything, so I ran down to double check. In the weeds beside the house, a small child holding her head and crying, a lifeless bike and a dent in the wall. I went running back in, grabbed ice packs, antiseptic wipes and bandaids, and then the little girl and her friend sat on my porch to get patched up. There was a stubbed toe that needed tending, and serious questions to be asked. "Do you have a daughter?" "How about a son?" "Are you married?" "How long have you lived here?" "My sister says that your house needs painting, are you going to paint it?" "Where's your cat?" By this time, tears had stopped flowing, explanations had been given (the bike has no brakes, so the wall of my house was the stopping mechanism) and they were off, laughing again.

Ah Zizou, pour l'amour de dieu!

2006-07-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

What a way to go into retirement! Yes, the analysis will probably show that Materazzi, as much as I hate to think it, said something unconscionably awful - most likely racially motivated. It's the ugly side of football - sports generally- but for crissakes, it's hardly new or surprising! It's a well known strategy to provoke and unsettle the opposition. So why would Zidane, in the last 10 minutes of his life as a footballer, do something that could only result in ejection? To go from graceful master of the beautiful game to irrational thug, to send Les Bleus to penalty kicks as you are forced to stalk off the pitch with a red card held aloft - I cannot begin to imagine the shame, rage and désespoir Zizou must be feeling. The sentiment is likely echoing across France tonight.

Me? I was pulling for Italia and applauded Elizondo's call, as there was no other possible outcome for Zizou, as much as I felt sad for him. When the Cup started, I considered supporting France, ancestral ties and all. And certainly, they have excellent players in their midst. But the games I watched were so far from stellar, with their star power and luck carrying them through - malgré their weakness as a cohesive unit - that all I could muster was a profound sense of boredom. I have a soft spot for Portugal, having supported them through Euro 2004 (not to mention that my boyfriend, Christiano, makes the team a visual pleasure as much as a sporting one), and ended up cheering for them in their match up against France. But the game was assommant, and I ended up checking my email more than watching. The Italy v Germany game was the deciding factor in my choice of team to support to the final, despite Italia knocking my beloved Czech team out. I went into the match pulling for Italy and came out the other end 100% sure of my pick for first. The fire and skill of the Italian team, not to mention those gorgeous twin goals by Grosso and Del Piero in the last minute of extra time, left no doubt in my mind about who I would be backing today. To France's credit, they did a pretty good job. For once I actually found them to be playing at their reputed level of skill. But there was sloppiness too, like Diarra's pushing the limits, lipping off and getting a yellow. Up until the headbutt, I was sure that he'd get a red card and bring the team down to 10. And then Zidane walked over to Materazzi, weird smile on his face, and knocked the Azzurri player off his feet. Elizondo didn't actually see the shocking move, but his lineman did. There was no doubt about the outcome: Zizou would end his career outside the stadium, while his teammates soldiered on to their ultimate defeat.

World Cup, Zizou, red card

Reading lists

2006-07-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've got raspberry muffins cooling on the counter and a pot of freshly made coffee to my right. Old time jazz is wafting in on the sweet scented breeze. I've turned the kitchen into my office, as the unwashed dishes and soft light coming through the screen door seem most conducive to getting work done.

Summer seems like the best time to catch up on some reading. I've got a few ideas for classics in my field that need a second glance. There's also the course readings I'm putting together for the fall. But I want to get a good list of other possibilities going, something I can take to the library. So, I'd be delighted all you literate people would make suggestions of "must read" books for my summer self-improvement project. Suggestions from usually silent readers would be happily accepted! Here are a few ideas to get things rolling:

1) Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. I think this book has the most buzz this season so it's getting harder and harder to not pick it up. From the author of the Dykes to Watch Out comic.

2)Bill Buford's Heat. Apparently it's not possible to review this book without alluding to Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential, which makes both the book and the reviewers seem dull beyond all reason. Nonetheless, Buford is a good writer with a sharp eye for detail, and the subject - restaurant work- is interesting to a former dishwasher like me. If you haven't read Buford's Among the Thugs, do run out and get it. Perfect World Cup reading, as it deals in intricate sociological detail with the English footie hooligan phenomenon in the 80's. Excellent, chilling ethnography.

3) Insert your ideas here

And life continues

2006-07-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

While the final formatting of the thesis was excruciating - 6 hours to format a 7 line table of figures, come on Microsoft! - the actual approval process at Grad Studies was a breeze. I expected to have to reformat the table of contents, to argue over my copyright permissions (since they were in email form), to need the signature of a person away until the first week of July, something, anything. But the rubber stamp came down, and lo, it was good.

My advisor held an awesome party for all three of June's grads, with barbecue, wine and cake. My thesis went up on the mantle piece next to the others - and whoever said size doesn't matter is wrong, mine was the biggest - and we had a great time. I have been lucky to find an advisor who is so caring and challenging, who makes me want to continue on in academia. We will be discussing phd programs and publishing this summer.

I still can't quite believe I'm done, but man, I feel great.

Go Portugal!

And that, as that they say, is that

2006-06-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

After these many years, here I am, Mistress of Fill in the Blank. Written thesis: Pass. Presentation of thesis: Pass. Oral defence of thesis: Pass.

There were moments during the defence where I was tempted to dive out the door I was standing next to and make a run for it, but in the end all was well. One of the sweetest members of my committee turned out to be a total hardass when question time came around, basically questioning my central thesis. This and the next few questions were when the open door really started to look attractive. But I stuck it out, sweated a lot and managed to answer a barrage of questions that I really hadn't anticipated. I also managed to use the word "naughty" in my defence, which made my advisor chuckle and seemed to entertain the audience.

When I was called back in after the short deliberation, I got lots of wonderful feedback. My committee stressed how much they enjoyed reading the thesis and how completely original it was ("which is the highest complement we can give a fellow academic", the chair said). They also praised the writing, and encouraged me to see it as the basis for a dissertation or as a published work. My sweet advisor said that it was a very special day for me, but also for her, because she first met me as an undergrad in one of her classes many years ago. To see me now, at the successful end of my MA program, was a real treat.

The day itself was absolutely beautiful, and the audience and my advisor ended up at the bar for a celebration drink. The pub we went to has a 'free drink for successful defence' policy. I was just going to go for a summery patio drink like a g&t, but was informed that I could have my pick of anything in the bar. I promptly headed over to the top shelf to look at the whisky. Of course, there were the standby Glenfiddich and Glenlivet. A Tallisker sat in the back row, tempting. And then I saw it: Lagavulin, just off to the side and waiting to be noticed. So we sat out in the shade, sipping Lagavulin (Rebus' top shelf pick, a smooth peat and smoke whisky from Islay) and chatting. Then off to dinner at a great little vegetarian restaurant. I'd been up since 5am and my nerves had gone through the wringer, so we decided to head home afterwards. We sat on the porch with the cat and then settled in to watch Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes in The Second Stain. Bed by 10 and straight into the sound sleep of the wicked.

I'll probably never stand at a podium to pick up an award, so this'll have to do as the closest thing to an acceptance speech: A major thank you to everyone, since getting this thesis off the ground was more a collaborative project than an individual one! A: for tech and research support (as well as many, many dinners), M&S for research funds when the uni gave me the cold funding shoulder and many, many years of support, JP for enabling European research, JW for tolerating the state of the office perpetually and for everything else, the P sisters (PG and Khartoum branches) for encouragement, defence fashion tips and grad school commiseration, JC for everyday phone contact to preserve sanity and for dragging a very stressed grad student out to yoga when most needed. The Beast for being angry, entertaining and cuddly in equal measure. The rest of the fam and friends not mentioned here for not asking me about my thesis too much, but still acting interested when I talked about it at length. ;)

Love to you all,
grad student hack, MA

D Day

2006-06-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

After all this time, here we are. I'm defending my thesis today. I may make a break for Fiji, so someone should probably take my passport away just to be sure. I've got the bones of my talk, but feel as though I need to do some concentrated writing for another hour or so before I rehearse it a couple of times. I feel eerily calm which is weird. Maybe overconfidant? Well, better get back to it or I won't have anything much to say when I get there.

2006-06-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

Bonne St-Jean Baptiste!

For non-Québecois readers: Saint John the Baptist is the patron saint of Québec. The 24th is the province's "fête nationale", or national holiday, one of the most important days for the Québecois people.

Hair cuts and pickpockets

2006-06-21T17:52:00.000-07:00

If you need a haircut, please go see genius Allan at The Chopping Block. He's sweet, fun to talk to and gives the best cuts ever! Love, love, love my hair.

In the not-so-great portion of this entry: there's a pickpocket now working the Chinatown buses on a daily basis (#8, #3, #19 heading South from Hastings, and back down from around Broadway). Today is the 4th time I've seen him. He mostly targets elderly people, the disabled and anyone who looks Asian. I'm sure he'd steal from anyone given the opportunity, but these are his main targets. Since the moment when I realized what he's doing, I watch him like a hawk. He glances over and when he notices that he's being watched, he backs off. His main strategy is to join a large group at the doors of the bus and start pushing, like he really needs to get off. His hand, covered by a blue and beige checked shirt, is then wandering in bags and open pockets. Last time this happened, a guy loudly said "You leave people alone and get off the f'n bus!" before I did. Buddy said "I'm just getting off here" and tried to look all innocent. This after spending 5 minutes trying to see if an elderly man was blind or not (by waving a hand near him and pulling strange faces) so that he could target him later. He saw me watching and moved on, but man was my blood boiling.

Today I saw him get on the back doors of the bus (fare jumping by bus company standards), so when I got on I quietly said to the driver "You've got a pickpocket who just jumped on the back and is now working your bus". He thanked me and proceeded to do nothing. Nothing! I know drivers are supposed to avoid confrontation with passengers, but how is it okay that he allows a pickpocket to work his bus?! A simple announcement over the speakers "Could the guy who just got on without paying his fare please get off the bus now" would have done the trick, and drivers do it all the time. I was pissed, so I just stared the guy down, preventing him from doing his work. Another guy squeezed by me, and the girl next to me said "Hey, that guys a pickpocket!" I said "yeah, and that guy in the blue hat is one too". The girl on my right said "He just rubbed up against me and grabbed me". Fuck this, we all decided, and got off at the next stop. We ran to the front doors and told the other transit employee (a big, burly take-no-shit dude) what was going on. When he heard the commotion, my pickpocket quickly got off the bus and ran away. The transit guy said he couldn't do anything at that point, which is true.

I'm so frustrated right now, because it seems like the bus company doesn't give a crap and will continue to allow its most vulnerable customers (the elderly, disabled people, women, people of colour) to be preyed on by this guy. Honestly, I don't see any resolution to this. If you see this type of thing happening, please speak up if it feels safe to do so. If you have any suggestions, put them in comments cuz I need to figure out something proactive I can do that doesn't involve breaking this guys fingers, cuz I'm starting to feel real twitchy about the situation. If anyone speaks Mandarin, I'd like to make a poster to put up warning people about the situation on the buses in Chinatown.

2006-06-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

I won't be able to watch the Czech-Italy match tomorrow, but go Czech Republic! Update: Strikers Baroš and Koller are on the list for the game, no final word if they can play, but there's a good chance they will. Česká to victory!

Update #2: Not only did Koller not play, but Czech is out of the Cup. D'oh!

2006-06-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

The wee beasty has the right idea: find a patch of sun and lie in it, but I'm off to tempt fate by getting a haircut mere days before an important event. I have pretty strong confidence in my hair guy but a general mistrust of my luck, so I'm hoping it all balances out and I get a cut I can live with.

I'm starting to think more seriously about what I want to present at the defence. Anybody have any major tips to share? My advisor sent me an outline, but I'm starting to get nerves about the whole thing again. Looks wise, I think I'm ready: the power outfit needs pressing but is otherwise perfect. Though I may go with a cute black top with the dressy pants instead of the lovely crisp white shirt, cuz I'm sure I'll get a major sweat on the minute my recalcitrant committee member opens his mouth. And you should never let them see you sweat, dahlings.

Regular service to resume shortly

2006-06-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining, finally. In the news: I'm teaching in the fall, I sold another freelance piece, my defence is coming up in no time, life is pretty good. Basically the name of this blog has got to change, as it is now almost officialy a misnomer. I am no longer in thesis hell, one more hurdle to clear and I am done!

The major problems at work are starting to be resolved and my depression is lifting, since the crazy temporary employee has been let go in the last day or so. Girlfriend had to bounce, for real, so its nice that it's finally happened and all seems right with the world again. Ever work with someone who literally has you convinced that they are evil? Yeah, I'm not much for thinking that human behaviour can be traced back to demonic possession, but man, she had me rethinking that notion. Some samples from the last month:

*she decided to change her name to match a fictional character that she invented
*she waved a very sharp work implement a foot from my head while loudly proclaiming her newfound name, which made me very very nervous
*she decided, after a week of work, that she should be considered an expert and deferred to in all decision making. When not deferred to, she pouted, berated, pop psychologized and acted like a jerk.

and the cherry on the sunday:
*she got naked in the workplace

Thanks for coming out, here's your complementary toaster oven. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out

Join me, won't you, in raising a victory toast. Sangria's on me.

So, how y'all doing? It feels like forever!

2006-06-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

So, um, I got the job. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

First College Instructor job interview ever: done. I rocked the new grey trousers/crisp white shirt and heels look. Seriously, yo, I looked like a professor. I had my portfolio briefcase full of hot-off-the-press syllabi and a 15 minute lecture. I'd rate my performance on the Q&A as an A and my lecture as an A-/B+ (only cuz there were a few moments of nerves where my voice got cracky and I had to drink water). But I made them laugh, and the person from the teaching team who shares my discipline was interested in my topic to the point of asking about articles she could read on the subject. I think I got my teaching philosophy out there in a relatively coherent way and they seemed to like my answers to most things. I think I stand a chance, but no matter what, it was great to experience an academic interview and see that even though I'm a theory person, I can step into other subject areas and get interview call-backs.

2006-06-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

Now that I've completely alienated my readership (sorry, mom), I thought I'd give a little update.

*Work is stressful, but I'm dealing finally. I'm also invigilating more in a week, so that's a little extra coin.

*I sold another freelance piece, my first of a more journalistic nature. The writing was easy, but the science stats I had to include almost defeated me. Some miscommunications during the edit process and a one day turn around on the piece (including interviews, talking with pr people, transcription and writing), made the project a little more stressful than expected. Good to know that I can crank out 1000 words at the drop of a hat, thank you 9 years of university.

*Academic interview tomorrow. I'm just in the middle of writing a lecture. Okay, no, I'm just starting to write it, but it's outlined as all get out. I'm off to get an outfit that will exude power this afternoon.

*My defence is set. Set, as in, date, time and place arranged. Set as in Oh.My.God. Set as in "pass the Tums, I'm freaking". Happy, depressed, anxious, stressed, exhilerated, confused. Curse you, grad school emotional rollercoaster! My advisor is really positive about the project and likes what I've done with it. Now to revise some technical points and send it out to the committee before sunday.

2006-06-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, got it back. More soon.

2006-05-31T23:11:00.000-07:00

I. am. losing. my. shit.

That is all.

2006-05-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Just dropping in to say that I can't really type right now due to hand problem, so I'm trying to stay off the computer as much as possible. I do, however, want to wish a certain Ms. in Khartoum a happy birthday, even though it's not today!!!

2006-05-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

I'm done! My full draft, four years after the start of my program, two years after I completely changed my topic, is done, finished, waiting for a date with the printer. That, my friends, is the bluebird of happiness.

2006-05-15T10:47:00.002-07:00

I'm just checking in as I warm up for the penultimate/ultimate draft finishing day. I'm progressing through it all. Chapter one is completely done, chapter two will be revised by noon, leaving a messy chapter three, an introduction that just needs some jigging and a longer conclusion. All told, a lot of work but manageable.

On the non-thesis front, bullet form:

*Got my application for housing and school in Eastern European City emailed off. Hopefully all will be in order for them to evaluate my application and there will be some loop hole that allows non-exchange students to attend the University.

Of course, it just bounced back from the international student office to my email account, so off to the post office tomorrow.

*The credit card company is "investigating" the charge on my account. They seem to be unconvinced that it is fraudulent, as the card was swiped at the pump and not maxed out that same day. Cuz all card scams operate the exact same way and apparently I banged my head and actually do own a car, drive to Surrey and patronize Evil Gas Company. Grrr.

*Got a job and then thought about it. Called back to say, thanks, but no thanks. Taking it on would mean working 7 days a week, and since it's an evening shift and I work out of town on the other days, I'd never seen anyone or be able to do anything fun. While it is painful to turn down a job that is handed over on a silver platter and would involve working at a good organization, I had to ask myself some questions: "Is this job going to advance me down the career path that I want to follow?", "Will it let me work on my freelance writing or will it suck all my available time and energy into the office-work vortex?", "Sure, I'll have more money and will be more positive about being able to afford Eastern Europe, but is it worth it?". All these questions got "no" as the answer, so I gave myself a stern talking to and girded my loins to call back and retract my acceptance. They offered the job Friday and indicated a certain level of urgency since their person is leaving next Monday. So my turning the job down was a bummer for them and earned a terse "Ok, fine, thank you", which made me feel bad. Then again, what can you do? Is it my fault that they are shorthanded? Should I sign up to do a job that I know I'll just end up quitting? No. So: moving on (but still feeling a little guilty).

*I'm a bit nervous about the money situation, as I have a bridesmaid dress to pay for, a trip back east and then the move to Europe (where I won't be able to work) but I like that I am putting some faith in my writing ability and trying to grow my freelance portfolio and not just jumping at the first non-academic/non-writing job that comes along.

*It's still gorgeous outside. I actually work well when it is sunny, as rainy days just make me want to snuggle up with an episode of Buffy and a mug of tea. Sun = productivity. And the bonus is that breaks can be spent on the porch.

Horowitz

2006-05-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

Gah! Over my morning coffee listening to the Current, who should come on but Senator Joe...I mean David Horowitz. Must return to thesis, more thoughts on this phenom soon. Can I just say that I love the fact that I could hear spittle actually flying when he started screaming the phrase "Communist Professors in every town"?

2006-05-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's final crunch time: 4 days to go until my deadline.

Stealing gas in godforsaken Whalley

2006-05-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

So, while I was posting about RFID hacks, someone decided to clone my credit card and start living it up (ha ha universe, good one). I opened my online statement for the first time in a couple of weeks and lo, $53 at a gas station. In another city. Did I get a car and forget about it last week? No, pretty sure I didn't. I called the credit card company, heart beating uncomfortably. When I asked about the charge, the service representative couldn't seem to locate it. "How much was the charge at Esso?" she asked, "cuz I have new charges of $114 here". "Shut it down, shut it all down!", I shrieked. Okay, not really, but I did let out a convincingly desperate whine. Like I'm not broke enough already! So, card cancelled. Fraud department alerted. Ordering credit statements. The crappy thing is that I still have the card, which means someone either double swipped it or got my info from a business' trash. But where? Hopefully they reverse the charges. It's a funny coincidence that they just called me this week with an offer of "card protection" for the low, low price of 14.95 a month. Or is it? Hmm.

Criminal minds want to know

2006-05-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Thesis Hell comes up pretty high on google searches for aspiring law-breakers. People have been surfing on in looking for info on how to hack a Prius ignition and make homemade grappling hooks. The latter does have some superhero applications, so I'm not judging. Please be advised that this info is only available to subscribing members, for a reasonable fee of $20 a month, cheque payable to Grad Student Hack.

Or you could just pick up an RFID cloner and have your pick of any loot you want (including someone else's Prius). Awesomely shocking Wired article on the vulnerability of RFID technology (think smartcard door keys, Prius ignition keys and soon, passports and chips for human implant. Yay!). If the RFID isn't encrypted, hacking it is as easy as walking past someone and snatching the signal off their chip with a cloner that fits in your palm.

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

2006-05-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

The day shall go something like this: thesis work, buy a shirt, barbecue.

The suit

2006-05-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

Trivia of the day

2006-05-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Janez Drnovšek, President of Slovenia, is vegetarian? Actually, newly vegan, says Carniola.

Oh, yeah, an actual update:

2006-05-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

News from this corner of the world, in bullet form

*I'm working towards a full draft submission date of the 12th of May. That is soon. I am drinking coffee and pondering time travel options. Don't be mad if I don't return your call.

*My instructor-job interview is set for 3 days after my possible thesis defence date in early June. Again, this is such a laughable time frame that I am calmly losing my mind.

*I have to come up with a lesson plan (3 weeks x 3 hr sessions), reading list and a 15 minute mini-lecture to present to the search committee. I will be reading pretty much everything ever written about academic job interviews and designing courses/reading lists online. Extra karma and love sent to anyone who can point me towards URLs that are particularly good.

*It's gorgeous outside. I need sunproof lip gloss.

*Reading: Le Matou by Yves Beauchemin (the biggest Québecois novel of all time), articles, my draft
*Consuming: homemade café au lait
*Listening: "Brother" by The Organ, "Dreaded Fist" by The Rascalz, "Truth" by Sweatshop Union
*Watching: Coronation Street on Sunday morning is still my lifeline. Watched C.R.A.Z.Y. on the weekend. Can't do it justice right now, but it's going on the favourites list.
*Thinking: thesis. interview. thesis. interview. thesis. interview. chocolate.

Fate presses buttons

2006-05-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, carrying around the interview tape you have to transcribe in the recorder is a bad idea. Want to know how I found this out? While emptying my travel bag, a sickly orange light greeted me from the bottom of the case. Of course, it was the "out of battery power" light, to show that the recorder had been recording, over the interview, during the whole trip. A jostle of the bag must have depressed the right combination of buttons, starting the recording mechanism. I'd check if I lost the whole interview, but the recorder was on for so long that it ripped the tape off the spindle resulting in an unplayable mess.

One: Never keep the tape in the recorder.
Two: Remove batteries and carry separately.
Three: Invest in the more expensive, higher quality tapes.
Four: Transcribe the minute you are finished the interview.
Five: Write notes during the interview so that you have a back-up.
Six: Don't be such a f'n rookie, for the love of Pete!

All is not completely lost. I have notes and good memory of what went on during the interview, and I transcribed the first 15 minutes of it already. But I had some choice quotes in there, and I'm still choked, but not "just been punched in the gut, can't breathe" kinda choked anymore. More like the philosophical "I've lived, learned and moved on" kinda choked, with a little knuckle biting thrown in for variety.

2006-05-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

I said to myself that I wouldn't start a blog if I couldn't keep it updated...it always makes me nuts to read someone's posts, enjoy them and then have them stop writing (even though I know, rationally, that life intervenes and that I'm just a spectator, so it's not my place to feel as though anyone owes me anything). But, well, humans aren't fully rational beings at all times, so I do feel cheated and sad when my favourites stop posting.

So, I'm going to try my darndest to not have this end up like every craft or diary I've ever started (half finished, unraveling, incomplete, left to gather dust in a junk pile that I'm unable to dispose of because one day I might pick it up again). This is the longest I've ever maintained a journal of sorts and I want to keep it up. Sometimes I don't update because it's too complex to navigate the strands of anonymity, public/private information, audience. Mostly it's cause I'm tired or am avoiding writing all together. Add to it the complication of a full time job outside of the city that I love but can't talk about without compromising my anonymity, and voila...lapsed posting and emo explanations for said lapses.

All this to say, I'll try. I will.

OMG

2006-04-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

I just got an interview for an instructor position at a college. Me! I'm not even finished my MA and they want to see me! Exclamation points!!! (I'm excited and I just had a huge cappucino at the Italian sports bar, so I'm feeling things in an amplified way). Even if nothing whatsoever comes of the interview, it's so gratifying to know that my CV is strong enough to get me in the door. Especially considering that I know PhDs who teach university and can't seem to get their foot in the door in the college system, it's that competitive around here.

Less chickadee, more updating

2006-04-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

Back in town in time to catch a theatre production of an Alistair McLeod's No Great Mischief. The lead actor was excellent, and the music blended into the play was great (all the actors sang and played Celtic instruments at various points), but overall it didn't ever make me forget that I was watching a play. I think the people who put it on did an admirable job, overall, I blame McLeod. I've read his stuff before and it's always left me a little dissatisfied. I've never read one of his pieces and said "wow, I should recommend this to someone". Maybe it's that his work is too self-consciously preoccupied with its masculinity. Maybe it's the fact that I've grown up with the CBC's seasonal rotation of made-for-tv-movies about Newfoundland and Cape Breton, to the point were profound malaise and boredom sets in when I think of yet another story set there.

It should be noted that I would love to go to these places. I'm just sick of nostalgic/romantic representations of the East Coast on tv all the time. Get a new topic, b'y!

2006-04-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

Minus, plus

2006-04-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd tally up the totals. There is little to put down in the minus camp, so all in all, things can be said to be excellent. Let's start with the not-so-great:

-My desk is such a chaotic mess that I can't stand it. I blame all current and future procrastination solely on this expanding mountain of paper.

-Cold, wet weather has returned, which means my hands are numb and my head is swimming from allergies. Looking forward to moving to a new climate (Eastern Europe, T minus 8 months 16 days).

-I don't qualify for participation in the Amazing Race. I think that's prejudiced, and I'm of half a mind to write some strongly worded letters. Seriously, I can read a map, I speak like 10 languages, I've put together an amusing back story for myself and I need a million dollars. I'm shifting my allegiances back to Jeopardy. Alex Trebek doesn't discriminate against my nationality and he used to have a jaunty mustache, which is a sign of good faith in my books.

+I live with two great housemates. One went shopping while the other did a huge cleanup of the kitchen. Vegetarian sausage pie and mashed potatoes with gravy were waiting for me when I came home from work.

On the other hand:

+It's Spring. I know, it's been that way for a while. But I love the smell of the air every time I step out the door.

+There is an end in sight on my thesis project, even though I'm currently continuing with today's procrastination. I swear, thesis work begins as soon as this is finished.

+Missives from the Girls-in-Greece tag team. I love mail from other countries, even of the e-variety.

+People land on my blog by searching for tourtière and wine pairings (may I suggest a nice organic Beaujolais?). Note to all others: my thesis is not about hell, as such. And if you are truly having a hellish time with your thesis advisor, I'm not really going to be of much help. I absolutely adore mine.

+As stated above, I love my advisor. I've heard so many horror stories from friends that I know how lucky I am to have someone who has not only stuck by me this long, but constantly inspires me to keep going.

+At some point today, crêpes will be made. Oh, yes.

+Trivia nerds represent. The Trebek has a posse, yo.

Home stretch slack

2006-04-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

One chapter, introduction and conclusion to go. Possible May thesis defence. A burning desire to get this thing done before summer starts in earnest.

Of course, this all means that I am spending most of my time studying the candidates for Top Model and trying to figure out who I hate the most (Jade), cheering on the hippies on Amazing Race and watching old Buffy episodes. And working various jobs in the mean time. I think the thing that really wrecks the progress is how when I finish a chapter I tell myself "you deserve a break for a few days". This stops the momentum and then I never want to come out of holiday exile because it's painful to start writing again.

But yesterday, during the exam supervision, while the students worked away at their tests, I took a few spare moments to scribble 250 new words into a blank exam book. Today, I'm bumping it up to my usual minimum of 500 words a day, no matter what. If my wrist holds out, I'll also work in some transcription of an interview. If not, article reading is go.

I continue to apply for jobs as they come along. The latest is perfect, and I think I stand a fairly good chance of being shortlisted. It's in publishing, at a place where I have a good contact (I wasn't sure about her until I submitted my application and then received a very enthusiastic email back about how happy she was to hear from me again) and is a telecommuting position. I'll know more at the end of the month.

Jack, I swear

2006-04-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

I just watched Brokeback Mountain and would really like to just roll on the floor and cry for awhile.

So, what's new?

2006-04-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

You know when you walk out of a job interview and go "Yes! Nailed it!"? Yeah, that didn't happen. They loved my writing samples, but asked me lots of technical questions that I didn't answer to the best of my abilities. They even asked about my experience with political economy, which was ackward seeing as I have none. So I did that thing, where you try to make it seem like you know what the hell you're talking about, though I'm not sure I pulled it off. I may have also ended an answer with "whatever", which can't be good. Man, I need to get my interview mojo back. Used to be that if I got in the door, I felt sure I'd get shortlisted or offered the job. Ah well, I looked hot, so I can always console myself with that bit of narcissism.

Thursday night was the OC (I know, I know, already) and rum and cokes with my favourite grad student peers which ended in a hottub session. New goal: find rich friends and make hottubing a weekly event. Friday, I took the shoes for a spin and dressed up for a department event. The best part may have been making my advisor do a double take at seeing me wearing a skirt. It's the simple things in life, y'know? Saturday, saw an old student of mine do a presentation on her research which knocked everyone's socks off and made me an insanely proud TA.

Now I'm trying to get back to work after a week of smiling dementedly and telling people "I'm planning on finishing this month!".

Oh, and I'm a year closer to 30. Birthday Week is coming to an end, but anyone trying to get gifties in under the wire will get a few days grace.

2006-04-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Via bookslut, the snarkiest and greatest thing I've read this weekend. George Saunders, amen.

The shoes, honey, the shoes

2006-04-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

I got THE pair of shoes. You know the ones that make you do little twirls in front of the mirror without even meaning to?

The pre-interview wardrobe crisis has now officially come to an end. I've got a cute top, hot skirt and shoes that aren't made for combat or gardening. Perfect! Now, off to dream job interview!

I will post shoe pics soon.